When we’re young I don't think we see the world for what it truly is. Protected by the walls that surround us. The walls now covered by crayon and marker from when we were children. And I think somewhere between then and now I forgot to open my eyes because suddenly I've been set down, never to be picked up again. And unable to see the color that the world had when I was younger. 

I remember a wooden house with rough walls that would scrape my hands as I ran them along it. And a small house painted white where I would play tag. The apartment where I learned to ride a bike. the house we shared with my grandma, the one I first met my dad in. I remember the neighbors kids id use to have snowball fights with. And where I had my first sleepover. But somewhere between then and now I don't remember when I stopped seeing the world the same. Maybe it got lost in those heavy brown boxes that I don't bother to unpack anymore. Or maybe it got lost like most of the other memories that felt like they would stay forever. Getting used to the constant change. Never giving me the chance to look forward to the future always stuck wishing for the past. 

It's been a year since my brother died. family is supposed to be the one thing that stays consistent. Because Friends leave, pets die, and places change. But never could I imagine that one day I might wake up and not be a big brother anymore. Not be able to teach him how to play soccer or do math. Not having that constant nagging like you are the most important thing in their life. Because When someone has been with you almost your entire life they become part of your routine. You plan your future around them. They give you every reason to pursue your goals, because you want to give them everything you never had. Zeke is my motivation to push myself in every situation, not only for him but for my parents and me. 

-Kameron Mathews